Due to the Recent Emergency your Government has mandated that making you safe
is a top priority of Homeland Security
. In these days of tension and strife, WE are vigilant in tracking and capturing the cabal of International Terrorists that threaten US all. As efficient security in airports has led to a greater sense of safety and security
in OUR airports which are now efficient, accurate and fast. However, WE know that the threat of Terror is still an ever present danger
in OUR lives, and the ever present danger
has shown that a National ID Card for Citizens is absolutely necessary for the safety
of OUR Government and Industry. The President has signed the USA National Identity Act, and everyone is expected to be carded before the end of the year.
You need not worry, Citizen Bacillus, if you have nothing to hide. We're glad you're willing to voluntarily accept your USA National Identity Card with our built in FRED ("Federal Reserve Electronic Debit") Card, and you're willing to give up far more of your personal information than what is available on your old State Driver's License. We now need to protect the Government and the People from Evil Doers, Wicked Terrorists, and our very own citizens! To make things more simple so that you can understand it: now WE need to protect the Government from its inhabitants. WE need to make sure you really don't have anything to hide! What do you mean you didn't volunteer?!? Of course you volunteered - volunteering is the Patriotic Thing to do, after all, it is your Civic Duty!! WE have your name don't WE?...
Besides, you'll get a nice nifty laminated Federal Citizen ID Card. It's more sophisticaed than a Green Card, so WE can classify you by any criteria we choose, globally track you anywhere you go, know whether you bought your mandated monthly rations, and restrict your freedom of movement. Why, WE'LL be able to control your life in ways you haven't even dreamed of or imagined in your wildest dreams! But, you won't be able to personally use that same technology that will help US find you, Citizen Bacillus, or to help you in what personal life WE'VE decided to leave to you in any way. After all The National ID Card (TM)" is not meant to, nor will it ever make, your life any easier, we guarantee it!
See, Citizen Bacillus , WE must show the Public WE'RE doing Something about the Clear and Present Danger(s), even if WE'RE really not doing much of anything of any worth, and WE'RE doing alot of other things that will actually impede any real progress, but that's OUR concern - not yours! This is all your fault Citizen Bacillus, after all, WE are a Democracy. WE'LL need some "Usual Suspects" to harass, hold for questioning, arrest, and spirit out of the country to places where our obsolete Constitution doesn't apply, and you just might just fit in with what WE need. You've been volunteered, Citizen Bacillus - even if you think your innocent, WE know otherwise, for you must have done Something to warrant OUR attention to your case!...
Dear Citizen Bacillus, GREETING:
It says here that you haven't been to an Authorized State Church in the last month, and that you weren't seen offering Appoved Prayer or a Moment of Silence at work, and that you're a Muslim. As Everyone
Knows, WE aren't against your religion, nor do WE want to single out Muslims or Arabs for persecution !
That would be profiling, so we have to check Everyone! Besides, WE'RE only after BAD, EVIL TERRORISTS
- it's just too bad that your ilk look like terrorists, er,.. Arabs or Iranians, and have the same beliefs that they do. WE have repeated this message 1000's of 1000's of times, haven't WE ? What do you mean you don't believe US? Are YOU
a Terrorist? Yes, you DO
look suspicous ! WE'll have to make a note about this on your Card!...
What do you mean "Do WE care that such a stain on your record will void your security clearances, cause other unfavorable circumstances for you at your job or at home, or get you fired from your high paying job for NO REASON AT ALL?" In that event, WE need to be fully document that on you card by your LAST employer, so you'll not only not ever get a job like the one you just had, but you won't get any kind of responsible job, or any job ever again! You should be well assured that WE'D Never misuse this information, nor will WE ever be sell it to OUR Multinational greedy
Fascist Capitalist contributors and the Special Interests at rock bottom prices, nor will they ever be lost or stolen. Besides, WE'RE the Government, so we're NOT responsible, and you can't even sue US unless WE allow you to...
Sorry, Citizen Bacillius, the members of your Ilk, er, Class, er Grade can't leave your Work or Housing Zones. That's a nasty comment, Citizen! WE'LL just have to update your Card to reflect that you're only qualified to be an Egg-Grader 3st Class. What do you mean you're not an Egg-Grader 3st Class? You say that Egg-Grading has been automated for years, and you can't find a job as an Egg Grader 3rd Class anywhere? That's just too bad, Citizen! You are an Egg Grader 3rd class and will remain one for the rest of your life. You know already that WE can't change the status of your Card without Proper Authorization, and NO, I do not have Authorization to apply for the Authorization to Authorize an authorized change in your Card. Besides, Citizen Bacillus, WE don't make mistakes ! WE're sorry that this information upsets you, Citizen, and it indeed might indeed be incorrect, but we can't just take your word for it, can WE? You'll just have to come back with better proof! Why, thank you for your generous gratuity, Citizen Bacillius, maybe something can be done for your case after all...
Your card shows you made purchases that the Politically Correct don't approve of, hate, or just dislike, or you've done something some petty Authority or self-righteous Reformer has gotten banned, or might want to get banned in the future - Shame on you!. You also haven't bought your alloted quota of consumer goods, Citizen Bacillus, what are you some kind of Communist or Socialist? Loyal Citizens of the Consumer Class have had to buy their government quota of Health Insurance for years. so there's ample precedent. So, you must buy your quota of Consumer Class Merchandise so WE can have a healthy Economy (GNP). WE expect you to make up your purchase deficits within Six Five Four three two one month(s) and you will be alloted an additional quota of purchases as compensation to the Loyal Members of the Business and Merchantile Classes you are required to buy from...
You've just bought a gun, Citizen Bacillus
! Are you afraid of something, Boy ? Upstanding and loyal citizens don't need to have guns anymore, that's a relic of our unregulated past. You are safe; haven't you heard US say that? Surely you understand that you ought to be grateful because WE'RE just confiscating it and not taking you Downtown - this time. You are a Loyal Citizen, aren't you , Citizen Bacillus
? I don't like your looks, or care for your demeanor and attitude, Citizen Bacillus
! Are you a Trouble Maker, Citizen Bacillus
? We know what to do with people of your Ilk! I think you need some time in one of our Reeducational Facilities, in an unnamed third world country, to reflect on your stated deviant social, religious and political attitudes ! You are in favor of Education, aren't you? Let US make a notation on your Card about that...
Are you "Normal", Citizen Bacillus
, or do you frequent places believed by OUR criminal stoolies, finks, self-righteous stooges, Secret Police and Socially Conscious PC Informers to be "suspicious"? In fact, someone in our Dime-Droppers
Program claims he saw someone who looks alot like you writing "Peace Now!" on a wall and we might consider that to be a felony, Boy! WE'll need to read your card to know where you've been, what you read and who you've been with, what you buy! Why, WE don't even have to ask you to take it out of your wallet anymore, isn't that convienent! Yes, you're still Innocent until proven Guilty unless you have no money or don't know A Very Important Personage ! However, We've decided that this Speedy Trial
nonsense is impeding the War Effort. You may soon expect a short stay at Hotel Guantanamo, Citizen Bacillus
, a luxurious resort town in OUR part of Cuba, or some other facility of our choice in more backward countries. NO, WE won't compensate you because WE framed you and sent you to there for an indeterminate number of years by describing you as a material witness in a terrorist case WE may get around to filing someday...
Have a nice day, Citizen Bacillus